Not too long ago, Bryan and I decided that we really needed to get in better shape. I messed my back up last year when I was pregnant with Roly, and all I could think was, "I am too young to have back issues!!" So I decided to start trying to lose weight for real this time. I counted calories, tried medication, and ran/walked several times a week. I had friends that had bariatric surgery and they said their biggest regret was not toning as they lost weight, so I decided to try something new. Enter CROSSFIT.
I'd heard a lot about cf (I refuse to type 'crossfit' 100 times in this post, so cf will have to do), I know people who do it, but I was terrified of it! What will happen to my reputation of doing as little as possible, being a couch potato and being out of breath at the top of the stairs? I can't be ruining the expectations that other's have of me! "Just try it!" the little devil on my shoulder said. Ok, ok. I went to observe a class, and hot dang! My fingers were itching to lift weights and do pull-ups (I have never ONCE in my LIFE done a pull-up, btw)! I couldn't wait! Put me in, Coach, I'm ready! I did my intro session where I was shown the basic lifts and other various workout maneuvers. Then at the end, when I was all sweaty, the trainer asked me, "So are you ready for a little workout?" Ummm...I thought that's what I just did? So she wrote down a beginners workout: squats, sit ups, push ups, rowing. I can totally do this, easy peasy.
HA! What a jokester I am. I was so sore the next day, though not as sore as I thought I'd be. I felt good, for the most part. My first class rolled around and the WOD (workout of the day, for those of you who don't know) was 10 each of wall balls and burpees, then 9 each, 8 each, etc. Then 21 each of box jumps (who are we kidding here, I didn't jump) and dead lifts, then 15 of each of those, then 9 of each. To round it all out, I had to do 50 kettle bell swings, and every time the bell stopped swinging because I needed to rest, I had to run 400 meters. Look up these moves, they are NOT sit ups and push ups! So my trainer is telling me all of this and on the outside, I'm smiling, nodding, raring to go. But my inner monologue went something like this, "You have GOT to be kidding me! I don't do this. You're going to leave my children motherless!!" But guess what? I did it, and I survived. I actually felt great afterwards!
Class 2, I wasn't as much of a fan of. It was mostly weight lifting, and that's not my strongest activity. I overthink the moves too much, then my brain doesn't want to work right and I get confused. I hurt my wrist doing the Snatch lifts, but not too bad. Again, I survived.
Class 3, Whitten Hero WOD. Stop. As soon as they said 'Hero WOD', I was like, "Yeah I'm not going to that class. That sounds scary." And it was. Five rounds of five different workout moves that included running and burpees. Oh burpees, I hate you. I just got home from that workout and guess what? I survived again. I had to find the motivation to keep going...I know I was totally making a monster face complete with teeth-gritting. It was ugly. But I did it.
My motivation today was the harsh words that my ex-husband had said to me: "No one will ever want you", "Man you've let yourself go!", "Good luck finding someone to love you." Well guess what, sir? I am stronger now than I've ever been before. Physically, mentally, spiritually. And in fact, someone DOES want me, and he loves me more than anything. He has seen me at my worst, but heloved me anyway. He celebrates me whether I'm slumped on the couch, or sweaty from a workout.
So to celebrate Independence Day this year (my favorite of all holidays), I pushed myself harder than I ever have. Because I'm not just celebrating America's freedom, but also the freedom that I have from the harsh echoing words of my past. They are quieted a little more each day, drowned out by the encouragement of my friends and family.
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