Yesterday at our church was Missions Sunday where we give a special offering for our missionaries and are given updates on their progress or setbacks in their prospective countries. Our Assistant Pastor, Bro. Danny Lytle, made a statement that I have heard many times before: "Some give by going, some go by giving." I thought to myself, "I am so glad that God hasn't called me to the mission field because I am a total wuss and can't even imagine the hardships involved." Then Bro. Danny mentioned the mission statement for the United Pentecostal Church International (which is the organization that we belong to), that I guess I'd either never heard or never paid any mind to. It is: "The whole Gospel, to the whole world, by the whole Church." Again, I had a little inner monologue going on..."Huh...I guess that means me, too." I've never been one to shout from the rooftops what I believe or how I feel about certain things. I like to be peaceful and get along with everyone without making too many waves. I never get involved in political or religious discussions, partly because I don't want anyone to see my lack of knowledge in certain areas, but also because I'm a wuss and I don't want to be challenged. I don't like to 'put myself out there' because I don't like rejection.
I saw a video on youtube a while ago that pricked conviction in my heart. Conviction that I successfully pushed down for a long time. I came across this video again today and I can't ignore it this time. It is a video of entertainer and well-known atheist Penn Jillette speaking about a man who gave him a Bible. In the video, he makes the statement, "How much do you have to HATE somebody to believe that everlasting life is possible and not tell them that?" He likens not witnessing to someone to not pushing them out of the way of an oncoming truck. This man, who also says that he KNOWS there is no God, put more conviction in my heart than I have ever had before. If I love someone, truly care about someone, how could I NOT tell them about Jesus? It all comes down to my self-consciousness.
Just in the 3 generations of Pentecostal doctrine that I have witnessed (from my grandparents, down to my first cousins), there are 7 ministers on my mom's side of the family and 2 on my dad's side. I think that I've always been intimidated by this. I was not born into my family, I was adopted when I was just 3 days old. I think the intimidation stems from seeing the ministry as a blood-born birthright. Of the members of my family who aren't ministers, almost all of them have had some sort of other calling: music, teaching, etc. I'm not a preacher. I'm not a scholar. I have no musical ability (as the people who sit in front of me in church are SO well aware of!). I've never really felt 'a calling' on my life.
Fast forward to the past few days. I have come across so many scriptures about being a witness...and then I read Acts 22:15: "For you will be a witness for him to everyone of what you have seen and heard." OK. So I may not have been born into my family, but I was PLACED by God in this family for a specific purpose. I may not have a human, blood-born birthright, but as a saved child of God, I have the same spiritual birthright as the most notable, respected and knowledgeable ministers. Maybe my purpose is just to raise Godly children. Maybe my purpose was to meet Bryan and introduce him to the church. Maybe my purpose is to serve as a testimony that you don't have to have your life together before you give it over to God. I'm not perfect, and I've not lived a perfect life. I can promise you that anything that I have to say will come from a place of humility and love.
The way that Bryan and I have chosen to live our lives has turned family against us. Blood relation that we love and care for. But considering the big picture, we are living how we feel convicted to, and believe with all of our hearts that we are called to live this way and we will obey the calling that God has put on our lives, and that's what matters to us more than anything else. My purpose isn't to step on toes or hurt feelings or thump the Bible in anyone's face. Anything that I say (type), I am doing so out of love for my friends, family and the human race in general, but most of all for conviction of MYSELF. I take the Bible seriously...even the parts that step on MY toes. I'm not flinging verses at anyone because I think I am better, and anyone who truly knows me, knows that to be the truth.
I am an honest, sane person who, based on the belief that I have, is just trying to keep those that I love from being hit by a truck. I'm not trying to force anything on anyone. Take my thoughts, and do with them as you will.
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